How to start the conversation
A calm, practical guide for checking in with someone you are worried about.
You do not need to diagnose or fix what is happening. If something has changed, or something they have said has worried you, checking in and helping them reach appropriate support can matter.
1. Choose a good moment
If possible, speak somewhere private and give the conversation time. If there is immediate danger, skip this and use urgent help.
2. Start with what you noticed
Use a simple observation and open question. For example: "I've noticed you haven't seemed yourself lately. How are things?"
3. Listen and take it seriously
Give them time. Do not rush into advice, argue with how the person feels, minimise it, compare experiences, or make promises you cannot safely keep.
4. Ask directly if you are worried about suicide
It is okay to ask: "Are you thinking about suicide?" Asking directly does not put the idea in someone's head.
5. Connect to support
If someone says they are thinking about suicide, take this seriously. Help them reach appropriate support and follow safeguarding or organisational procedures where applicable. If someone's life is at immediate risk, call 999.
6. Keep the boundary
You are not expected to diagnose, counsel or manage the situation alone. If safety or safeguarding is involved, do not encourage promises of secrecy. Information should only be shared with people who need to know in order to help keep the person safe.
7. Afterwards
Difficult conversations can stay with you. Follow any procedure you need to follow, protect the other person's privacy, and do not carry the responsibility alone. Get support for yourself if you need it.